61.

VISUAL|61-no red61 [.] about me …

 

[... being continued]
extroverted introvert
highly sensitive deep thinker 
.... ‘do i contradict myself?
very well, then, i contradict myself
– i contain multitudes’ w.w.

soul integration, expression, alignment
stepping forward
into an expanse
maybe i am meant to drift forever
a drifter challenged by gravity

seeking in loyalty to my grounds the ananda of life
in the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.  s.t.
exhaling energy dust
excited in chaos and love
and collision
manifesting my highest pathway only. all lesser pathways BE closed.
the traveller - time of constant change, of experimenting new things. walking decisively towards the unexpected and unknown, feeling life in my interior. fire over mountain. my path. 
for me photography is a flow into the depth of my shades, sensually on pure adrenaline. my way of seeing. sensing. the dust and the blood. on my lips. the water and the salt. in my soul. door7. curious. determined.
my doors of perception. perception vs reality. demon vs angel. female vs male. here vs there. the path we take shapes us. a choice between depth and emptiness. the line. woman to woman. my soulpath.
my soul raw. standing at door7. feeling everything at once. these extra 10 percentages deeper under my skin. your heat. your scent. your curves. your salt. i might just loose my mind. who are you anyway? will this door ever open. standing there. why?
my inception. some days i just [can.t] take it. it takes me apart. i am desperately looking for the missing pieces. numbers. letters. my eyes. my DNA. does it matter? [Y.]
my energy strong, my vibration high ... my sanctuary. untouchable.
i use capital letters consciously. they feel so powerful to me.
[intimacy.] - air air air to my lungs
the way i was brought up to think about life and the person who i can feel i AM are like a -pol and a +pol to each other. coming to terms with the person i feel i AM ... there seem to be fucking endless layers to heal - facing my weaknesses, my lack of honesty, my darkness.
communicate to my soul. touch my heart. leave me changed for having sensed you. BE.
i am going to have to learn to be me again. me not tied to another but simply myself. quite frankly i am not sure where to start. after defining myself by another for so long, i am going to have to rewrite my dictionary entry.
strange how I fell out of love. strange and sad. but i feel that this saddest moment holds the most promise of healing the rough cracks in my heart and soul.
i surrender. completely.
se[ducer]. hunter. pursuing my prey.
passion - to me a symbiosis of a highly sensual animalistic essence and one's soul vulnerability within a moment of surrendering. regardless. reckless. - takes me so high, so deep.
the cycle of the moon symbolizes the void to me, giving space to my wholeness. my depth. 10. blackness within its pureness. to be found.
i am getting closer to my zone. must not let go of myself. it is not a safe zone for me ... but its BEING me, stepping into my authenticity.
my unknown flows through my blood, chases me down, grips my bones, opens my heart ... i follow.
i found|lost myself with a woman. everything has changed afterwards. loosing vs finding ... disclosure?
i got close to your skin while you were sleeping - tasting the salt on your hands ... anticipating. [saltwater cures].
the scent of lemon. it feels HOME to me ...  touching the deepest layer within me.
fe[male].
've changed since i've known you. not because you made me into somebody but because you showed me a path i'd never paid attention to. and i chose to follow it.
you are, they say, what you love. be that the case, then i hope and wish and barter my soul that i would just be a little more me because with how i feel i look in the mirror and it's your face i see ... i wish, too, i knew the inception of my eyes  ...
sometimes i am so exhausted being HERE ... my soul's journey.
full moon entering 25|2 : 'i am beyond yet within, above yet below, unknowable and the known, seen and unseen. journey into my formless potential. merge with my emptiness and discover your fullness.'... <33
i am taking in the whole extend of my sin. the hard part is not being forgiven by the ones i hurt, it is forgiving myself. i so often feel that i am not made for this world ... the way my heart beats, the way i sense, the way i love. reckless.
black & white through the inner labyrinth leading to myself. stripped down to my irreducible elements. positive and negative, emerging as equals. when there is no more to take away, when there is nothing more to add, simplicity is realized. - "the artist is born complex and tries his whole life to simplify." by l.c.
my body is my limitation. i decided to honor its health, to built up its strength and live its sensuality. consciously. daily.
there are days, when i know exactly who i am. well, i think that. on other days, i feel so deeply different.
i love the sensuality of smoking.
i feel myself written all over your features ... or is it the other way around?
the friction of male and female energy within one person fascinates me.
i intoxicated my cellular structure to initiate the conjunction of good and bad within my soul. layer by layer. white demons. dark angels. - "the real power of a wolf isn't in its fearsome jaws, which can clench with fifteen hundred pounds of pressure per square inch. the real power of a wolf is having that strength, and knowing when not to use it." by j.p.
the color that touches me the most is a light turquoise - high heart.
sometimes all i want is silence. pure silence. within my heart. my soul. my senses.
i mean, how do you put rape, abuse in an acceptable perspective for yourself? the pain does not serve me anymore. i am not a victim. my soul took on whatever i have taken in to go its path, my path. accept what IS. learn the lesson that lies behind it embracing the carved scares in my bones. the path is my fate. it is my strength. my stamina. 
i have come to own this emotional experience and accept its responsibility for its creation.
i love a past. i love a future. i AM present ... in consciousness, thankful and trusting.
i betrayed. several times.
i currently feel undomesticated, remaining gentle, soulful and true to my essence.
blood in the water [what the fuck is my DNA ????].  <3
i AM compelled to create - regardless. REGARDLESS.
inner truth 61. my heart free of prejudices and therefore open to truth.